Tag Archives: husband

True Romance…The Sweet Relish Slurp

8 Jan

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Recently, at a hockey game I was desperate for food.  You know I was seriously close to starving as I agreed to a hockey rink hot dog…the only hot dogs I consent to eat without feeling faint from hunger are from our local hot dog cart!  My hubby went to get me the lukewarm, mystery meat, belly ache in a bun and I  waited listening to my stomach protest with hunger and outrage at my life choice.  As my hubby returns, all smiles, as he is doing his good husband deed for like the month; I notice the slimy, limey, hint of sweet relish soaking into the day old bun of my gourmet rink dog.  Sweet relish does not belong on anything that I could ever think of!  Especially close to bread where the bread gets soggy, seepy, and weepy.  Seepy and weepy are words used to describe cold sores not something you may be considering ingesting!  About this time , my hubby promptly and literally slurps the relish right off my skinny little dog and hands it to me like nothing just happened.  As sweet and innocent as this gesture of romance was,  I did indeed decline and offered to let him enjoy this opportunity to have my dog as I had suddenly lost my will to eat ever again!  I still look at this as a caring effort just not exactly appetizing!  Thanks to my hubby! 

Giving It Up For Lent

8 Mar

I am always amazed at this time of year.  Giving up your absolute favorite thing for 40 days is really asking a lot.  One of my girlfriends had a great idea!  Giving up the thing most of us love the most… giving up the hubby and kids!  The only problem there is finding someone to make sure that they survive!   If you chose alcohol then you risk sanity and ruin St. Patrick’s Day.  If you chose coffee you again risk sanity and in some cases the lives others.  If you chose chocolate you really risk sanity and should probably make sure your husband has life insurance.  It is a tough choice!  Good luck to everyone on this endeavor and this time of quiet reflection.  May you exchange one vice for another.

Gentleman…Give The Gift of Ferret Free Snuggling For Valentine’s Day!

2 Feb

Happy Valentine’s Day Honey…Let’s snuggle!  How can I put this lightly?  I DO NOT WANT TO SNUGGLE WITH THAT FERRET GROWING IN YOUR ARMPIT!  Was that gentle enough?  I am sure God had an initial reason for putting it there BUT there is no modern-day use for growing an animal in your armpit gentlemen…after all you can buy Under Armour!  I can survive chest hair and leg hair but underarm hair…and then of course there is the DOWN THERE hair….that is a whole other subject!  Guys…note to self here…not only does this increase your chances to get close to the ladies, just for getting rid you unsightly pit carpet, but your chances of NEVER having body odor again are like nearly 100%!  And ladies you may be laughing now but if you do not already know what a must have this is, I suggest you go add this at number one on his HONEY DO LIST!  And seriously have you ever looked at him at the beach and looked at the fringe of the FERRET peeking out and said to yourself…THAT IS REALLY SEXY!  Take my advice…a little MANSCAPING can go a long way!

Stop Stealing 1st Base!

11 Jan

First Base…What can I say beside the fact that ladies need it and men don’t!  Mars and Venus is an understatement.  I don’t need like hours of nice but 30 seconds would be nice!  No better turn on than…Give it up so I can go to sleep!  And too me 1st base includes small gestures like…I can keep the kids while you go grocery shopping, fill 2 carts, and lug it out to the car in a blizzard.  Thanks sweetie for making pure HELL just like 15 degrees cooler!  Communication of this little message is nearly impossible as you all know…so what to do?  I will keep you posted as I begin to explore some new ideas in suggestion…Maybe osmosis will work?

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